Why The Hell Do I Write?
There are few things that attract my attention, but most of them more like a pop-up hobbies or mad-driven instant desires, like the time when I really like making videos or awkward song-remixes (ugh, I feel bad about them because they are just BAD!) (I lock all my remixes in a secured file and I am trying soo hard to forget the password and hope they’ll just disappear from my harddrive). None really last except for writing, photography and fashion.
Those three came in one packet as my first blog (which I closed because some reasons), when I was 15 and since then I slowly find my new hobby and skills. It’s not like I am the best writer in the world (or photographer) (or fashionistas). People that know me will say that I am one of the laziest people they’ve ever meet (probably true) and I have no bigger love than for my bed and my glorious day dreaming (ah, they are indeed true!). But they are half-mistaken, I do love daydreaming… about what will I write next in my blue stylish journal. And I do love sleeping, mainly because I spend the nights trying to sharpen my writing and drawing skills because the best inspirations always come in the middle of the night (at least for me).
Ah, but all those hard efforts are for what exactly? I am not old enough to work in a magazine, even though I would kill for the opportunity (and life is not as fun as in Carrie Diaries or as hellish as The Devil Wears Prada). I am not as good as Susie Bubble in arranging my blog or as fabulous as Bryan Boy in advertising it. And I don’t wish to get money from my blog. Hah, never! I want to say that writing is just a hobby for me, but it sounds weird because I have soo much passion and ambition for it. Totally different from mad-driven passions that I just mentioned above.
I found that with writing I can slowly escapes my small world and make a whole new universe. The most perfect escape plan without even having to get up from my chair (yeah, lazy-bonesss…). I found that there is a beauty, more beautiful than photos and smarter than fashion, in every single word people write in their notebooks -and letters and newspaper and anything that contains words and stories in it. And I just love the way those words combine and making a complete story, knowing that I am the one making them alive. It is cheesy and real at the same time.
But writing is a hard thing to do, I will admit it quickly -and honestly. Sometimes you don’t find the right word to say something, you don’t have the right ideas and you don’t really like what people say about your essays and stories (even though you know that they’re saying the truth). Writing is a world filled with competition and free ideas that people can freely catch and you’ll find yourself fighting for the same idea. It is also a world filled with comments and curses and praises and awards, they’ll make your eyes blurred like Cyclops. In short, writing is more like burden than a happiness. And I still love doing it.
Why oh why? Maybe because writing isn’t a passion for me. It’s not a hobby either. It’s a calling and as it gets really loud these past few months and I will definitely answer the call (I am answering it right now). Just like what Carrie does (yeah, I know she is just fiction, but almost-real-life fiction) (and she is good enough for me).